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As Long as I’m in Full-On Rant Mode…

The next person who tries to put fruit in my beer without asking me first is going to get my size 11 up their arse!

Enough! Enough!! ENOUGH!!! with the High Alcohol Crap

Jay Brooks has saved me the trouble of reporting on the latest bit of high alcohol idiocy, and countless others, including the Canadian Mother Corp and the New York Times, have chimed in on the latest efforts of our good Scottish friends at BrewDog. But enough, please, I beg of you, is enough.

Beer concentrated through repeated freezing is not the product of brewing, but freeze distillation. But that’s not even the point. The point is whether or not the stuff actually tastes good.

I’ve not sampled any of the Schorschbräu efforts, nor have I tasted BrewDog‘s End of History or Sink the Bismark, but I did try Tactical Nuclear Penguin and was singularly unimpressed. And as for Het ‘t Koelship‘s Start the Future, well, I too can make a strong beer by dumping a lot of overproof booze into it.

It’s time to stop this silliness. So far as I’m concerned, the strongest beer that is purely the result of fermentation remains Boston Beer’s Sam Adams Utopias. And what’s more, I actually enjoy drinking it!

Thank You, John: That Goes for Beer, Too!

If you don’t know who John Hansell is and what he knows, you should. Especially so if you ever drink whisky, be it American, Scottish, Canadian, Irish, Japanese or other.

But even if you never touch a distillate, there is reason to pay heed to what the Malt Advocate publisher and prolific blogging voice has to say, for it oft times applies equally to beer. As in this recent post, read by me only today on account of my having ignored the blogs I follow during my recent travels. Check it out, and while you do, think about substituting “brewers” for “distillers” and “beer” for “whisky” throughout!

This Is How Important Craft Beer Really Is Today

There is no direct flight between Toronto and New Orleans, so flying to the Big Easy for the annual drinks extravaganza, Tales of the Cocktail, necessitates a stop in either Chicago or Charlotte or, I think, Philadelphia, at least if you want to fly a Star Alliance carrier, as I do. (Gotta have my miles!) Given that, a few days hanging in the Windy City seemed the thing to do.

We arrived at our hotel around 2:00 pm, feeling more than just a little bit hungry, more like ravenous, actually. Bags dropped, a brief chat with the concierge revealed a likely lunch destination – Rockit, an excellent burgers and beer place, as it turned out – a couple of blocks away, and so off we went.

En route, we walked by a grungy little watering hole that could appear in the dictionary as the definition of “dive bar:” two small rooms, almost non-existent lighting, a veneer of filth covering most evident surfaces. (Note: I’m not talking about some tarted up dive bar to which hipsters might gravitate to drink tall boys of PBR straight from the can, but the real, honest-to-god, pass-out-on-the-bar deal.) It was the kind of place which, under normal circumstances, I might pass by with nary a second glance, but this time there was something about it that caught my eye.

That “something” was a banner out front advertising “Craft Beer Mondays” and the five very decent beers involved in the promotion, not one of which I would balk at ordering. And I thought, “Craft beer is now officially so big that little holes like this see the benefit of stocking and even promoting the stuff!”

That, my friends, is how important craft beer has become today. And the clean and tidy, cookie-cutter corporate chain bars would do well to pay heed.

Oregon Homebrewers Mess Explained

You may have seen postings about the current stink in Oregon over an old and apparently long-dormant law which prohibited the consumption of home-made beer or wine outside of the domicile in which it was made. (If you haven’t, check out this story for the details.) You may also heard tell of the unfortunate role the Deschutes Brewery had to play in this black comedy.

Well, before you go burning the labels off your Black Butte Porters and Mirror Pond Pale Ales – surely you couldn’t be mad enough to destroy such fine beer itself, could you? At least not by any other way than through consumption and digestion – please take heed of the following statement just released by the brewery:

Hi Friends – You may have heard rumblings of this Oregon homebrewing story lately, and I wanted to provide you with some information straight from Deschutes Brewery! Let me know if you have any questions.

Deschutes Brewery has been an avid supporter of homebrewers for years, and would never do anything to jeopardize their rights. In fact, we were planning an event to celebrate homebrewing during which our brewers would brew on a home system at our pub and homebrewers would bring their beer to our pub to be discussed, tasted and critiqued. We contacted the OLCC to ensure we were not violating any regulations. Now it seems that the OLCC has resurrected a dormant law regarding homebrewers, much to the dismay of the brewing community, including Deschutes Brewery. We have always felt that passion for craft beer starts at home and we support homebrewers all across the United States. We are always happy to fulfill homebrewer requests for clone recipes, hops and raffle items for homebrew competitions. We also sponsor the Porter category at the American Homebrewers Association’s National Homebrew Competition each year.

Gary Fish, president and founder of Deschutes Brewery, said:

“The real story is that Deschutes Brewery contacted the OLCC to ensure that a homebrewers forum we were planning during American Craft Beer Week was legal. Given the rules we are bound to as licensee of the OLCC and as a responsible member of the brewing community, we always want to make sure that we understand the intricacies of the OLCC’s regulations. After a three-minute conversation with an OLCC representative, we were told that the agency would call us back with further information. This never happened, and the planned event was dropped as a result.

“The bottom line is that we were attempting to create an event celebrating homebrewing, and our roots in this culture. We were never contacted by any media outlets to clarify this story and the reasons for our inquiry. We hope that these OLCC laws will change in the near future, as recent coverage has suggested, and that homebrewers can continue to share their creations with the world.”

Deschutes Brewery strongly believes in the value and importance of homebrewing, and will continue to support homebrewers whole-heartedly in the future.

So, You Think Anheuser-Busch InBev is Big Enough?

Well, it seems it might be, but rumour has it that it’s not! Here’s what’s been circulating around these past few days:

The Guardian newspaper reports that Matrix Corporate Capital analysts recently met with executives from Diageo and found that the minds behind the largest drinks company in the world are not necessarily opposed to the idea of merging with a greater force in the beer biz, like Heineken, SABMiller or even the headline-mentioned ABIB.

Diageo’s reaction to comments suggesting that perhaps a merger with SABMiller or Heineken could pre-empt action by ABIB suggested to the analysts that they have a “genuine openness to corporate action.” This left the Matrix side of the table with the impression that “Diageo’s door is open to a deal.”

And not just a deal with SABMiller or Heineken, either! The analysts also reported that “Diageo was much more open to (a deal with ABIB) than we had anticipated,” although noted that the general consensus at the table was that SABMiller would be the most logical next target for the brewing behemoth.

So, ABIB could merge with SABMiller and grow even more massive, likely first selling off their joint venture business in the U.S., MillerCoors, to the other half of that team, MolsonCoors. Which would make the last company, what?, MolsonMillerCoors? And ABIB would become SABABIB?

But wait, that’s not all! Speaking with  another contact today, I found that there is speculation in the financial world not that ABIB would take over SABMiller, but that SABMiller would swallow the larger brewing company. And if not SABMiller, then some other company, as financial circles appear to be chewing over the idea that the world’s largest brewing company is being cut, trimmed and primed for a sell-off.

All of which means, well, what exactly? I’m no expert, but if you ask me it demonstrates that the big brewers have all but given up on restoring the lustre to their flagship brands in existing markets and settled on the way forward as either exploiting underdeveloped companies or buying or merging with other existing brewers to add to market share.

Or in other words, as I noted back here, don’t expect the big North American beer brands to bounce back any time real soon.

Trust Me, the Analysts Are Wrong

A recent report that crossed my desk informs me that despite ill fortunes of late, industry analysts are confident that the decline of the Budweiser brand in the United States can be staunched. They believe that Anheuser-Busch InBev (ABIB) has “the will and the means to stabilise and, gradually, reinvigorate the Budweiser label in the US” and cite “the broader franchise (which) is up due to Bud Light Lime.” They also note that “Bud Select 55 is off to a good start.”

They’re wrong. And here’s why.

The core brand Budweiser is in decline, and has been so for some time now, and for the first time in  its history, Bud Light has fallen into the same boat. Some of the analysts quoted in the report see this as no problem, thinking that a renewed emphasis on advertising and promotion can reverse the fortunes of one or both brands. But campaign after campaign has done nothing to alter the course of Budweiser thus far, so it remains a mystery why the analysts think that not only will this suddenly cease being the case, but that the same strategy will also work for Bud Light.

My view is a little different because, where mainstream beer is concerned, advertising and promotion hasn’t really been cutting it lately. Sure, we’ve seen the great effectiveness of the “Most Interesting Man in the World” campaign for Dos Equis, but that’s: a) a premium import; b) a relatively small market brand; and c) a campaign that has gone viral to a remarkable degree, even infiltrating the mass media, or in other words, a once in a blue moon hit. To expect a similar campaign to influence the fortunes of the Budweiser family to a proportional degree is outrageously optimistic.

Next up, we have the analysts who like the way Bud Light Lime and Bud Select 55 are influencing the overall volumes of the Budweiser family. This, too, is optimism to the extreme. The lime segment of the market is a passing fad which, like so many beer fads before it, will surely fade away and be forgotten. The ultra-light category is going nowhere, in my estimation. So long term, I don’t see either buoying the Budweiser brand.

Sure, after Bud Light Lime is trotted out to pasture, the minds at ABIB may very well come up with a new fad beer to replace it, but consider this: when was the last time that happened? Has anyone had a Bud Ice lately? I didn’t think so.

The beer market in the United States is changing, my analyst friends, and Budweiser, Bud Light and all the brand’s off-shoots are losing ground to more interesting, more flavorful beers. (Hell, even Bud Light Lime falls into that category!) They might still rule the roost, and will likely continue to do so for some time to come, but the iron fist is weakening and I see no change coming down the pipe that will alter that any time soon.

Zymurgy’s Big Yawn

If you troll the beer blogs, chat boards, websites and such, you’ve likely by now come across news of the results of Zymurgy Magazine’s annual poll naming The Best Beers in America. And you may have even been impressed by the fact that 1,192 different beers from 450 breweries were represented in the poll or that, for the second year running, Russian River’s Pliny the Elder was named Numero Uno.

Not that any of it matters.

I say it doesn’t matter not out of disrespect for Pliny the elder or Russian River Brewing – it’s a very fine beer from an excellent brewery – nor because I’m dismissive of what homebrewers, the target market for Zymurgy, have to say about beer – they’re generally a passionate lot and know their beer, for certain. No, I don’t think the results matter for one simple reason: there were a total of only2,867 votes cast.

For a poll that merited a press release and fairly large amount of repeating and debate within the Internet-o-sphere, that’s a shockingly low number of votes, comparable to the number of “Tasters Choice” ballots that might be cast at a small-scale beer festival. I wouldn’t lend much credence to one of those, and similarly I suggest no one read too much into the Zymurgy poll.

It’s really just a big yawn, is all.

Memo to American Beer Haters

Y’know what people oft times say about American so-called “extreme” beers? How they’re big and bold and interesting for a sip or two, but you’d never want to drink too much of them, much less have a full pint?

Well, bollocks to them! Because I’ve just finished a shared bottle of Firestone Walker Parabola!

This is the beer previously sold only in a blended anniversary beer – which itself has been quite extraordinary in successive years – but seldom tasted on its own. It’s a barrel-aged Imperial stout of 13% alcohol by volume. And it is absolutely wonderful.

I just wrote a mini-review on the World of Beer Facebook page, so you can go there to read more about it, but in addition to those notes I would add, in no particular order: charcoal, well-roasted nuts, brown spice, raw cocoa, flamed orange peel, burning embers and black plum. Complexity, balance, warmth, beauty: what more could you want from an Imperial stout?

And so far as that sip or two versus a pint thing goes, I can tell you that having just finished about 12 or 13 ounces of this beer, I would most certainly welcome more!

Is De Koninck In Play?

Dutch and Belgian news reports are suggesting that the family-owned De Koninck brewery of Antwerp, Belgium, could be the subject of a bidding war!

It’s no secret that De Koninck’s fortunes have been on the wane in recent years, with sales of its eponymous brand down almost everywhere. Some reports are even suggesting that overall sales have halved in the past several years, despite the addition of new brands to the brewery’s portfolio. So who would want this regional brewery with sliding sales?

Heineken! That’s who! And also, apparently, Duvel Moortgat!

DutchNews.nl and ADP News both suggest that a bidding war may have broken out between the two companies, with just-drinks.com confirming and adding that Heineken is staying silent on such speculation. The final price, according to sources, could be in the tens of millions of euros.